When your mother no longer remembers what year it is, making New Year’s resolutions can feel pointless. But here’s what we’ve learned from families navigating memory care in South Florida: the new year isn’t about your loved one setting goals they can’t remember. It’s about you choosing how you want to show up for them, for yourself, and for this chapter of your shared story.
These aren’t the typical resolutions about losing weight or learning Spanish. They’re commitments that recognize where you actually are… caring for someone with dementia while trying to maintain your own life, relationships, and well-being. They’re about finding moments of connection, releasing guilt that serves no purpose, and discovering that quality of life still exists even within the reality of cognitive decline.
Resolution 1: I Will Be Present for Moments, Not Milestones
Your father won’t remember that you visited yesterday, but he experiences the warmth of your presence while you’re there. This year, let go of the expectation that visits need to be memorable or that your parent should recall them later.
Instead, focus on the moment you’re actually in. Notice when your mother laughs at something on TV. Pay attention when your father’s face lights up hearing a favorite song. These moments matter even though they won’t be remembered. They create feelings of safety, love, and connection that persist even after the memory fades.
In South Florida’s beautiful winter weather, this might mean taking your loved one outside to feel the sunshine without worrying about whether they’ll remember the walk. It means sitting quietly together watching the palm trees sway rather than filling every silence with conversation. Presence doesn’t require an agenda.
Try this: During your next visit, put your phone completely away for at least fifteen minutes. Don’t document the moment for later. Just be in it. Notice how this changes your experience and theirs.
Resolution 2: I Will Ask for What I Need
Family caregivers often suffer in silence, believing they should handle everything themselves or that asking for help means weakness. This year, practice direct requests instead of hints and hopes.
Tell your siblings specifically what would help: “Can you visit Mom every other Saturday so I can have that morning for myself?” instead of “I’m so tired, I never get a break.” Ask the memory care staff questions when you’re confused rather than nodding along. Request a care plan meeting when something isn’t working rather than stewing in frustration.
Many South Florida families juggle caregiving with work, other family obligations, and the unique pressures of supporting parents while raising children of their own. You cannot do all of this without support, and you shouldn’t have to.
The people who love you want to help but often don’t know what you need. Be specific. Be direct. Be willing to hear “no” to some requests while remaining open to the possibility of “yes.”
Resolution 3: I Will Stop Correcting Reality
When your mother insists she needs to pick up her children from school (children who are now in their fifties), you don’t need to correct her. When your father believes he’s going to work tomorrow at a job he retired from twenty years ago, you don’t need to remind him of the passage of time.
Correcting someone with dementia doesn’t help them. It confuses and upsets them, forcing their damaged brain to process information it cannot retain. This year, practice entering their reality instead of insisting on yours.
If Mom thinks she needs to get the kids, ask about her children. What are their names? What are they like? Let her talk about them as the young children she remembers. You’re not lying to her; you’re joining her where she is instead of demanding she come to where you are, a place her brain can no longer access.
This approach, supported by dementia care experts and research from the Alzheimer’s Association, reduces agitation dramatically and allows for genuine connection. It transforms frustrating interactions into opportunities for storytelling, reminiscence, and emotional closeness.
Resolution 4: I Will Create Joy Without Guilt
There’s a pervasive belief among family caregivers that they shouldn’t enjoy life while their loved one suffers with dementia. This year, reject that belief entirely.
Your mother would not want you to put your life on hold. Your father would not want you to decline invitations, avoid travel, or refuse experiences because he can’t participate. They spent their healthy years wanting happiness for you. Dementia didn’t change that fundamental truth.
Go to that concert. Take that weekend trip. Celebrate your birthday with enthusiasm. Enjoy dinner with friends without spending the whole time talking about caregiving. These aren’t betrayals; they’re necessities. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and joy refills you.
South Florida offers abundant opportunities for rejuvenation, including beaches, cultural events, and outdoor activities year-round. Use them. Let yourself be fully present in your own life, not just in your parent’s care.
Resolution 5: I Will Let Go of One Thing That Doesn’t Matter
Examine the standards you’re holding yourself to and identify one that you can release. Maybe it’s the belief that you need to visit every single day. Maybe it’s the expectation that you should be the one to handle all medical appointments. Maybe it’s the guilt about placing your parent in memory care instead of caring for them at home.
Choose one thing that weighs on you, examine whether it actually matters, and consciously let it go. Write it down if that helps: “I am releasing the belief that I should _____. This belief doesn’t serve my parent or me.”
You might feel lighter immediately, or it might take weeks of practice. Either way, you’re creating space for what actually matters by releasing what doesn’t.
Resolution 6: I Will Learn Something New About Memory Care
Understanding dementia and quality memory care helps you advocate effectively for your parent and reduces your anxiety about their daily life. This year, commit to learning something new. Not as a massive research project, but as gentle, ongoing education.
This might mean attending one support group meeting, reading one article about a specific aspect of dementia care, or asking the memory care staff to explain how they approach a particular challenge. Small learning adds up to significant understanding over time.
Many South Florida memory care communities offer family education programs specifically designed to help families understand dementia progression and care approaches. Take advantage of these resources. Knowledge truly does reduce fear and increase confidence.
Resolution 7: I Will Honor My Grief
You’re grieving your parent while they’re still alive. This ambiguous loss – when someone is physically present but cognitively absent – is profoundly difficult. This year, give yourself permission to grieve openly.
Cry when you need to cry. Talk about what you’ve lost with people who understand. Join a grief support group or seek counseling. Stop pretending you’re fine when you’re not. Your grief is valid and deserving of attention and care.
Simultaneously, you might experience moments of relief. Relief that they’re safe in memory care, relief when a difficult visit ends, relief when you imagine this journey being over. These feelings coexist with love and don’t diminish it. You can grieve and feel relief. You can love someone and feel burdened by caring for them. All of these contradictory emotions are normal and acceptable.
Resolution 8: I Will Celebrate Small Victories
Memory care doesn’t offer the traditional markers of progress. Your parent won’t get better, hit milestones, or achieve new goals. But small victories exist if you look for them.
Your mother ate her full lunch today. Your father smiled at a joke. They seemed calm during your visit instead of agitated. The new medication reduced anxiety without excessive sedation. These are victories worth celebrating.
Start noticing and naming these moments. Tell a friend, write them in a journal, or simply pause and acknowledge them to yourself. In the absence of big triumphs, small ones sustain hope and remind you that quality of life persists even in decline.
Resolution 9: I Will Say What I Need to Say
If there are things you need to say to your parent, such as apologies, expressions of love, acknowledgments of their impact on your life – say them now. Even if they won’t remember the conversation, you’ll know you said it. Even if they don’t fully understand, the emotional content often reaches them.
Tell your mother you forgive her for the ways she wasn’t perfect. Thank your father for working hard to support the family. Say “I love you” without waiting for the right moment because the right moment is always now.
You cannot predict how much time you have or how quickly cognitive decline will progress. Don’t wait for a perfect opportunity that may never come. Have the important conversations while you can, even if they’re imperfect or incomplete.
Resolution 10: I Will Remember They’re Still Here
This might be the most important resolution of all. Your parent hasn’t disappeared just because they have dementia. They’re still here, living their life in the way their current brain allows.
They still experience emotions, enjoy pleasurable sensations, respond to kindness, and feel love. They still have preferences, even if they can’t always articulate them. They still deserve dignity, respect, and the best quality of life possible within the reality of their condition.
When you visit and they don’t recognize you, remember that their need for love hasn’t changed even if their ability to express or remember it has. When they repeat the same story for the tenth time, remember that the story still matters to them. When they seem like a stranger, look for the essence of the person you know. It’s still there, just expressed differently.
Making Resolutions Stick
Unlike traditional New Year’s resolutions that often fail by February, these resolutions work differently. They’re not about achieving a specific outcome but about choosing an approach, a mindset, a way of being with your loved one and yourself.
You won’t do them perfectly. You’ll have days when you correct your parent’s reality out of habit, when you’re too exhausted to be present, when guilt overwhelms you despite your best intentions. That’s not failure. That’s being human while navigating one of life’s hardest experiences.
The resolution is to keep coming back to these intentions, to keep choosing the approach that serves both you and your loved one, to keep releasing what doesn’t matter so you have energy for what does.
A Different Kind of New Year
This new year won’t look like other new years. You won’t be making plans with your parent for future adventures or setting shared goals. But you can make this a year of deeper presence, better self-care, reduced guilt, and more genuine connection within the reality you’re living.
You can make this the year you stop shouldering burdens that don’t serve anyone. The year you ask for help and actually accept it when it’s offered. The year you find moments of joy and beauty even within the difficult journey of watching dementia slowly take someone you love.
As you begin 2026, remember that you’re doing something extraordinarily hard with courage and love. These resolutions aren’t about doing more or being better. They’re about doing what matters and releasing what doesn’t, about being kinder to yourself and more present with your parent, about finding quality of life for both of you within the constraints of dementia.
That’s not a small thing. That’s everything.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I stick to these resolutions when caregiving feels overwhelming?
Start with just one resolution that resonates most strongly. You don’t need to implement all of them simultaneously. Choose the one that would make the biggest difference in your daily experience and focus there. Once that becomes more natural, add another. Progress doesn’t require perfection; it requires consistent small steps in the right direction.
What if family members don’t support my resolutions, like not correcting reality?
Different family members often have different approaches to dementia care, and that’s normal. Share articles or resources about validation therapy and why correcting doesn’t help. Explain that you’re following current best practices in dementia care. However, you can only control your own approach. Model the benefits through your interactions, and others may follow. If not, accept that you can still practice these principles during your own visits even if siblings or other relatives don’t.
Is it really okay to feel relief about memory care placement?
Absolutely. Relief is a natural and healthy response to knowing your parent is safe, supervised around the clock, and receiving specialized care. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them or that you’re abandoning responsibility. It means you recognize that memory care provides what they need and what you couldn’t sustainably provide at home. Relief and love coexist comfortably; they’re not in conflict.
How can I create joy when visiting is often sad or difficult?
Reframe what “good visits” look like. A good visit isn’t necessarily one where your parent is lucid and conversational. It might be sitting quietly together, playing familiar music, looking at old photos without needing to identify everyone, or simply being a calm, kind presence. Joy often hides in small moments… a smile, a squeeze of the hand, a few seconds of a shared laugh. Look for these rather than expecting sustained positive interactions.
What if I’ve already said hurtful things I regret?
Most family members have moments they regret. Times they were impatient, frustrated, or said something unkind before understanding their parent had dementia. Your parent likely doesn’t remember these moments, and holding onto guilt doesn’t serve either of you. Apologize if it helps you find closure, then practice self-forgiveness. What matters is how you choose to show up now, not mistakes you made before you understood what was happening.
Should I share my resolutions with my parent?
Only if it feels natural and your parent is in early enough stages to potentially understand and appreciate it. For many people in memory care, detailed conversations about intentions won’t register or will be quickly forgotten. The resolutions are primarily for you, to guide your approach and support your own wellbeing. Your parent will benefit from the results (your increased presence, reduced corrections, less guilt-driven tension) without needing to know about the resolutions themselves.
How do I balance being present with my parent and being present in my own life?
This is about both-and rather than either-or. You can be fully present during visits while also being fully present in your own activities when you’re not there. The key is reducing the mental burden that follows you everywhere – the guilt while you’re living your life, the distraction while you’re visiting. Practice compartmentalizing: when you’re with your parent, be there completely; when you’re doing something for yourself, allow yourself to be there completely too. This isn’t about dividing time evenly but about being wholehearted wherever you are.
What constitutes a “small victory” worth celebrating?
Anything that represents a moment of quality, comfort, or connection: your parent seemed happy during your visit, they enjoyed their meal, they participated in an activity, they recognized you today even if they didn’t yesterday, they seemed calm instead of agitated, a new approach worked well. In memory care, small truly is significant. These moments matter enormously even though they might seem insignificant compared to the victories you celebrated in other areas of life.
About Courtyard Gardens Senior Living
Courtyard Gardens Senior Living provides specialized memory care services throughout South Florida, supporting both residents with Alzheimer’s and dementia and their families navigating this challenging journey. Our approach recognizes that quality dementia care extends beyond the resident to encompass the entire family system. We offer family education programs, support resources, and compassionate guidance to help families find meaningful connection and sustainable approaches to caregiving. Learn more about our memory care philosophy and family support services at courtyardgardensseniorliving.com or contact us to discuss how we can support your family in the year ahead.
